Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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