i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Less talking, more tequila
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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