Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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