I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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