But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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