when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
