I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
