I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
