it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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