After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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