So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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