I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
