Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
