I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is wine microwaveable?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
