If that was your dad, he is hot
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
