the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
