You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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