...so i touched it.
Your dad touched me again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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