I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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