After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
