she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
