It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize