His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
