he wants to bone in the snuggie
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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