she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
