What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
