I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
