a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
