I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize