I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
