So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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