I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
