I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
