i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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