It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
