how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
