dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
