ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
