When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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