Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
