well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize