you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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