i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
