I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
