yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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