I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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