I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize