I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
