Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
