So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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