where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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