are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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