well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
