I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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