Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
