Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dick has a subreddit
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
