I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
