I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
