I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
