I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize