I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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