I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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