i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
