yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
