Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
