she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
