Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you would pick up someone in the library
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
