I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
not ubering you a puppy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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