i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
