I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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