so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
