At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's blow job season.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
