At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
