I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize